Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are

As a kid growing up in Miami, one of my favorite games was playing “Hide and Seek.”  I loved being “it” because I always was able to find everyone’s hiding spot so fast that my friends never liked it.  Now as an adult, it’s easier to find a hiding spot without trying.  Deadbeat parents are the best at this game.  Try putting them on child support and you’ll have the hardest time to convince the courts you know exactly where they live.  This happened to me and millions of other single parents out there.  Even though, I had several confirmed addresses for my daughter’s father, the courts took about a year to serve him even with an active drive’s license that included his current address.

What’s worst than a deadbeat parent?  The answer is their deadbeat families.  I’ve always felt that my father’s family didn’t make my relationship with him any better since he wasn’t in my life.  I use to hate it when I would see one of my cousins or aunts around town and they would tell me, “you know your father loves you.”  Really?  I never had the courage to ask them why didn’t he call or visit me at the house I lived in for over twenty years.  If he’s a deadbeat then there’s nothing you can do about it.  I understood they meant well but his actions spoke louder than any of the words they were trying to feed me at that time.

No one wants to admit that they have a crackhead in their family so why acknowledge that your brother, sister, cousin, uncle, or auntie is a deadbeat parent.   I would have respected them more if they never mentioned his name around me.  Instead, whenever they did tell me he loved me I felt more hatred towards him and respected them less for lying to me.

It was pathetic to receive gifts from his family when I knew it wasn’t genuine, especially, when they gave more gifts than normal.  I can understand one or two gifts but when it’s an abundant it’s a sign of guilt on their part.  The one gift I wanted was my father’s presence and nothing more.

Deadbeats can easily hide behind their families when they show up with stuff you know their mother bought for your child.  They probably borrowed money they know they’re NOT going to pay back in order to get their child something they really don’t need.  How about asking what the child needed before you bought that $200 video game console?

With the first day of school only a week away, I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to buy my daughter school clothes and supplies.  I can’t begin to ask her father for anything because he’s called me money hungry in the past.  Yes, he is right.  I’m money hungry for school supplies, groceries, clothes for our daughter, to pay the power bill, put gas in my car (well when I had one) & not to get my hair and nails done like most deadbeat thinks.

There are so many tactics these deadbeats use to avoid taking care of their responsibilities and all I can do is shake my head.  It’s useless to try to talk some sense in their heads when you know it’s going through one ear and out the other.  Sometimes I think there is a class called Deadbeat 101 because I’ve heard other parents share almost the same stories with one another.  Most times you’d think they had a child by the same person.

I say if you’re gong to be a deadbeat parent be one to the fullest power.  I can’t stand the ones who show up here and there just to “check up” on their child.  You know who they are really “checking up” on is to see if you’re still single.  They’re probably thinking there’s room for them to mooch their way back into your life.  Hey, if you’ve been able to “make it” without them all this time then why would you need their help at all.

Life is a circle for them because they burn bridges and try to rebuild them with people in their past.  It’s hard to find forgiveness from people who they just met so that have to go back where it all started and that’s with YOU.  Be careful when they use words or make promises to you that you’ve never heard before.  They have great memories so that they know what bullsh** to blow your mind with.  They’ll have you say to yourself, “oh my, he’s never said that to me before,” leaving you to believe that he’s a changed man.

Another way is to have one of their family members or someone you highly respect to vouch for them.  They’ve convinced this person to convince you that they have changed their life only for both of you to be hoodwinked and bamboozled.  Don’t blame this person that they allowed  smoke to be blown up their a** by him because they don’t know any better themselves.  They didn’t experience life with him like you did.  Instead, they’ve only seen who he is from the outside looking in.  These deadbeats can’t do anything on their own and if they did they wouldn’t be called a deadbeat.

I hope you enjoyed today’s lesson on How NOT to be a deadbeat.  If you’re offended by this post then you’re probably a deadbeat or a deadbeat’s family member who’s guilty of buying gifts for their child until they “get back on their feet.”  Good luck with trying to get your money back.  It’s like a lesson I learned with co-signing for someone with bad credit.  If a person allows their credit to go bad what makes me think that they’re going to treat my credit any better and the same goes for the deadbeat who owes thousands of dollars in back child support.  Can they really be trusted?  In my opinion, you got to let them try to stand on their own and make their relationship with their child better.  If they don’t do it on their own then they’ll never try.  They will always have excuses as to why they can’t help raise their child.

Love Yourself!!

Written By: Max-Laine
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About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

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