Beautiful…

Music. It feeds & soothes my spirit whenever I’m having a rough day. It soothes when things don’t seem to be going as planned.  It soothes when there are days that all I can see is darkness even when the sun is shining bright.

What I love about music is that I can put on a song and remember what was going on in my life at the time. You know, the song that can bring you there. Well, this song does just that.

I first heard this song (Beautiful, India Arie) over a year ago while living at my mother’s house.  I was laying down on a full size bed which I shared with my daughter. It was midweek and I had trouble sleeping in the middle of the night.  I stared up at the ceiling as I tried to gather my thoughts. At that particular moment, India’s voice was just background sound filling in a void. Everything had fallen apart: my relationship with my daughter’s father; losing interest in my job; failed business venture that caused me to lose thousands of dollars; and discouraged for having to start all over…again.

It was one moment in my life that I felt like the Universe was pulling me away from my environment.  I lacked sympathy and concern for other people in my life.  I was so over trying to please people who I had no business bending my back for.  I had to stop being hypocritical when it came to my TRUE feelings towards people and MYSELF!  I was a spoiled brat who always wanted things to go her way.

It all changed for me when I heard these lyrics sang by India.  It grabbed my spirit’s attention:

The time is right
I’m gonna pack my bags
And take that journey down the road
Cause over the mountain I see the bright sun shining
And I want to live inside the glow

From that moment on, this song became my theme song.  I started to see people for who they really were.  Most importantly, I gave myself tough love.  I didn’t understand it then but I knew that everything happened for a reason.  I knew one day that all that I went through would make sense to me.  It was a very long road with no sight of that light at the end of the tunnel.

Now, I focus on the things that matter to me.  For the first time in my life, I learned to be selfish.  I no longer worry about what other people think of me.  I stopped filling up my head with lies that use to discourage me from pursuing the things I really wanted to do my entire life such as writing.  I constantly heard voices that reminded me of what people in my past said to me.  “You can’t be a writer because you don’t have the grades to get into a good college,” said my high school Guidance Counselor.  “You can’t do it,” said my ex-business partner when I told her I wanted to start my own business.  I can go on and on. For many of us, it’s hard to overcome those thoughts and we start to believe that they’re true.  It becomes your reality especially when you try to move forward with your goals and things don’t go as planned.  Don’t quit because if it doesn’t work one way then try another way.

I knew someday that I was going to be in a different place in my life.  That someday is happening now.  I learned to exercise every mental, spiritual, physical, emotional, and writing muscle everyday.

I learned this technique from my favorite college professor who said that you have to exercise your muscles everyday in order to get better.  He related the ability to become a better writer to a muscle.  At first you’re not going to be strong but in due time you will be close to it. Sadly, he passed away a semester before I graduated but I will always take his words with me on this “crazy” journey.  I guess he was there to act as the catalyst to change those negative thoughts in my mind that the evil guidance counselor from my old high school placed there.  From that point on I related everything in my life to the muscles in my body.

I’m still the spoiled brat who wants everything to go her way.  I deserve to get what I want and I don’t want to live with regrets anymore.  It’s a Beautiful time to start taking charge of your life today!!

Love Yourself!

Written by: Max-Laine


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About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

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