365 Days To Success (Day III)

(3rd day, 362 more days to go) Nothing irks me more than the almost non-existent relationship that I have with my daughter’s father are the nosey family members/friends that give me their opinion on sh** that I do who I refer as co-signers (person who stupidly accepts joint responsibility for the debt or lack of presence of a non-custodial parent in which they do not guarantee a change but rather provides unsolicited advice for no reason other than they don’t have a life of their own instead of helping said situation they provide more hurtful comments to the custodial parent).  I get it from both sides of our families so I can’t say that I have my own personal cheerleader who supports everything I do nor should I want that.  It’s part of the life as a single mom.

You’re criticized and evaluated over the littlest thing that you do and you find yourself giving an explanation for your actions to your “Spokesperson” (the person you know who will speak on your behalf to everyone who are against your actions)  so that you don’t come off as one of those Baby Mamas who take advantage of their power.

You’re probably wondering why do I care so much.  It’s because as a single mom you have to be conscious about your actions ALL the da%# time.   (On the other hand, their fathers don’t seem to be affected while their child is crying every other day for their absent dad.)  You don’t want your child to come to you at age 30 telling you that their therapist told them to confront the person who ruined their relationship with their father.  There you will be trying to explain your actions to a grown a** woman who probably won’t understand just as if you tried to tell her when she were 6-years-old standing at the top of the stairs asking you, “when is daddy coming home?”

It’s an unspoken battle you’re constantly fighting with everyone around you and within yourself.  You have to maintain the perception that you have your sh** together when in reality you’re secretly scheduling the right time to breakdown and cry so that no one (like your child) hears or sees you.  The best place to cry is in the shower…well that’s what I heard.

These co-signers are an extension of the crap you already go through with your child’s father.  When in reality they don’t want to face the truth that he really doesn’t give a f**k about his child.  They automatically ASSume that YOU are the problem.  Yeah maybe some of us are the problem but how else are you suppose to handle things when you got bills to pay while raising your child alone with NO help (or very little help) from their father.

To all those co-signers out there just Shut The F**k Up and mind your d*mn business.  My apologies for my potty-mouth rant but sometimes you can’t be nice about this issue.  Instead you have to be the Bi**h they say you are but when you act on it make sure you get your point across when you do that.  In the end you want the other person on the receiving line to say, “you know that Bi**h is “crazy” but she makes a lot of sense.”

Discussion Questions:

  1. How does your relationship with your child’s father affect you?
  2. Do you speak to your child about their father?
  3. Who is the most vocal among your friends & family about your life?
  4. Do you find it difficult to start another relationship with someone else?
  5. What was the last conversation about that you had with your child’s father?

Love Yourself!

Written by: Maxx

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About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

3 responses to “365 Days To Success (Day III)

  • Jp

    You are totally correct. As someone who tries to help the single mom and the niece; i have learned the hard way that it’s easier to just mind your business. When a child needs help and neither of her parents are willing to do anything for various lame reasons. I’ve learned to just mind my business. Hard to sit back and watch both parents jack up my nieces life but who am I?

  • Soccer Mom

    Well, I have a decent relationship with my kids’ ex…he’s very involved in their daily activities so we talk numerous times a week…we have no choice with 50/50 physical and legal custody. But I get crap for the decisions I made/continue to make about The Ex and custody. I don’t think it matters what you decide………you will be criticized either way.

  • Luv

    wow! this is the first i am reading of the Crazy BM blogs..i will be back.. yes you hit that mess on the head.. scheduling a time to cry…right now the shower doesn’t even work for me cuz even then i get knocks on the door or the curtain opened with some whine, request or cry… driving while they are sleep, that’s when i am able to let down my guard and let it out..if i don’t have something else scheduled…like eating.. making important phone calls, praying, meditating…you know the things you can’t do when they awake

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