Day THIRTEEN

(13th day, 352 More days to go)  Too much power!

Excuses.  We all have one or two or fifty billion at some point in our lives but when it comes to blaming someone else for your faults that’s where I draw the line.

I remember I use to say all the time that I didn’t have great relationships with men because my father wasn’t in my life.  Yes, I still believe that today but there were so many other factors involved that I never considered.  One for instance was watching how my mother was so independent.  I witnessed this woman install a kitchen sink and mow her grass for over an acre of land.  All the duties of a man but seeing this just made me feel like that was normal for a woman to do. I became an independent-no-nonsense woman who never allowed a man to buy her things without trying to buy them myself or be the man I needed in my life.

When I got older and began living on my own I didn’t realize how difficult it was not having a man in my life.  I blamed my father yet again that he wasn’t there to do those manly things for me and my mother.  Years have passed by since I blamed my father for things because at some point I had to take responsibility for my actions and attitude towards men.  My mother did her best as a single mom raising five girls without any male role models.  Besides, she couldn’t afford to hire a plumber so instead she read a couple of manuals on installing a sink and broke out her tool box to complete the job between her two jobs.  (FYI: She finished the installation within a week)

On the other hand, maybe my father was doing me a favor by not being in my life. Perhaps he felt intimidated by my mother or couldn’t face me since he had been out of my life for so long.  Whatever the reason, I couldn’t put all the blame on him.

I’m getting to a better place with accepting the fact that my father was absent in my life.  For too long I gave him too much power over my life when all along I had the power to have better relationships with men.  I didn’t get here overnight and I hope you, Dear Reader will learn from my experience.

That’s why I have a problem when I hear fathers blame their child’s mother when they are not allowed to see their child.  Instead, they want to wait until their child is older so they can explain why they weren’t there.  C’mon, there are so many ways to make an effort to stay in contact with their child nowadays so no more excuses already.  You can email, text, pick up the phone, Facebook/MySpace, or send smoke signals to reach your child’s mother and if that doesn’t work the attempts are what counts.

When you give someone power over something you have total control over, you’re allowing them to cripple your growth.  It doesn’t have to happen that way…anymore.

Love Yourself!
Written by: Maxx

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About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

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