(15th day, 351 more days to go)

As I was watching my favorite channel VH1 Soul, I came across this video by R. Kelly singing his song “When A Woman Loves.”  Instead of a hot flash I had a flashback of the time this man’s songs were the soundtrack to my life until I saw his (alleged) infamous sex tape with a teenager.

Like many people, I passed judgement that he was guilty then I vowed to never buy or listen to his music ever again.  At first it was hard because I could remember riding with my girls during Spring Break bumping Mr. Kelly in our 7-passenger mini-van (don’t judge us because we made driving a mini-van during Spring Break look damn good).  I sung along to his sexual driven songs even though I was a virgin at that time.

Fast forward years later and a Not Guilty verdict, the man continues to put out music and still has fans.  I eventually wrote him off until this video came on.  There he was singing his heart out to me…at least that’s how I felt.

She took me back
After I broke her heart
About a thousand times
She gave her life to me
With no regrets, she followed me
And she, and she, the girl she raised me
And I’m forever indebted, I’m forever indebted, I’m forever indebted to her cause
When a woman loves

“Why was he doing this to me?” Was this man begging for forgiveness?  He belted out every note as if it was his last breath leaving me feeling sorry for throwing out 3 of his CD’s.  He reminded me of an ex coming back into my life to show me he was a changed man.  R. Kelly did just that.  After his court case ended, he got a divorce and silently removed himself from the spotlight leaving artists like Trey Songz to take his spot…until now.  I think the R in this song is letting folks know that you can hate him all you want but the man is very talented.

I feel soooooo guilty wanting to become a fan again especially since I have a daughter.  In my heart, I believe if he didn’t have the money and fame then he wouldn’t have been able to have lawyers prolong the case like it did.  Then on top of that witness became uncooperative and they changed judges a couple of times.  So, I don’t think he was fairly prosecuted only to end up walking out as a free man.

Look at me talk about this man as if he was my lover or brother.  I can’t deny that he almost was because most of my college memories involves his music and going to one of his concerts.  Let’s face it, artists are like family too.  You can love them one minute and hate them the next.  In this case, I hate that I love him and this song.  (Bowing my head in shame)

Love Yourself!

Written By: Maxx


About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

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