(56th day, 309 more days to go) Always something

Let’s get one thing straight.  Just because I’m on this new-found journey to live a Peaceful life doesn’t mean that people haven’t found their way to disrupt it. I might as well say that today was one of those days.

Here I am minding my business and I get a message  from my daughter to call her father.  I found that strange that he would ask for me to call him considering we haven’t spoken to each other for over a year.  Our daughter recently got a cell phone so that she could keep in touch with him directly. That way there’s no excuse as to why he can’t reach our daughter.

Of course my daughter forgot to tell me to call him last Saturday so I called him today.  Boy, do I regret calling him.  He proceeded to tell me that he can’t keep up with the child support payments and if there’s anyway that we could make a payment agreement outside of the court order.  That way I can request to close the case and trust (I know I can’t believe he used that word either) that he will continue to pay child support directly to me.  There were no hello’s or how you’re doing’s…he just went straight into how HE is having a tough time.

He proceeded to complain about how high his car insurance is but yet I have to walk to take OUR child to school & walk to pick her up everyday because I have no car.  He says that going to the child support office for hours is an inconvenience for him but yet I have to go sit for hours to apply for public assistance only to get rejected.  He says that it’s hard to keep up with the $50 a week payments but yet besides child support, I wasn’t getting any income up until a week ago from working at a temp job.  He complained so much that I forgot that he’s living on his own without a child.

I stayed on the line longer than I should have.  Even when I addressed the fact that I don’t have a car, he completely ignored me and continued to give me a list of excuses.  I had to cut him off and tell him to go speak to his case worker because at least she gets paid to listen to his pity stories.  It’s so much easier for me to speak to him without being so angry because we’re no longer together and I know we will not get back together.  If it were a couple of years ago, I would have cussed him out in a heartbeat but I’m so over him.  Now, he’s someone else’s problem.  Whenever I meditate and reflect on my life with him, I can’t help to say to myself, “What the hell was I thinking?”  The only good things that came from our relationship is our daughter and my low tolerance for bullsh**.

After being with him on and off for ten years, I just know not to expect anything from him or his family.  I’ve given him so many chances and have been disappointed every time.  I’m embarrassed to share this story but I’m sure there are worst stories out there.

I hope this story helps the young woman who is considering to hold off her dreams to stay close to her man and possibly start a family with him.  The young woman who dropped out of school to find out who she really is.  The young woman who’s searching for her independence.  The young woman who aspires to be a television reporter after graduating college.  The young woman who has opportunities that are available to her now that probably will not be there in the next few months.  I know this young woman…it was me long ago!

Besides from finally graduating and obtaining my degree, I set aside my dreams of writing for him and once I had our daughter I didn’t pursue it anymore.  Now, I’m trying to make up 10 years of the grind & hustle in the next two years…hopefully sooner.

However, I already know there’s always something that’s going to try to deter me and no matter what I’m never going to give up…again.

Love Yourself!

Written by: Maxx


About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

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