(165th day, 200 more days to go)…and do it now!
Last week when my daughter’s father called to ask if I could take him off of child support, I realized that things hasn’t changed for him but it has for me. I know that a few years ago I would have said a few cuss words and ended the conversation by hanging up the phone with a few nasty text messages sent his way shortly afterwards. I went two years after breaking up arguing with him for any little reason. At some point, I knew I had to just let that sh** go!
I could no longer think that I was the one in control over when, where, and how he was going to see our child. No matter how much I despised him I could never compete with the love my daughter has for her father whether I liked it or not. When I changed my phone number after one of many huge arguments, it was very peaceful. I didn’t have to worry about him telling our daughter things she had no business knowing. He was constantly saying things to upset me and I allowed him to get me fired up all the time. In turn, I would say and do things to piss him off.
Too many of us single moms think once the relationship is over that we can play silly games with our children’s father especially after we realize that the relationship is truly over. We can’t allow them to give reasons to our children later on that their mother made it difficult for them to visit.
I have since given my daughter her own phone so that her father can contact her directly. I did this because after knowing him for so many years that I’ve come to the conclusion that we are not going to be friends. No matter how hard I think I tried to become friends, he and I were always fighting. However, we can be cordial to one another. Cordial meaning that we can say “hi” to each other and keep it moving. I’ve made it clear to him that I don’t want him back nor will I allow him to disturb my peace. I couldn’t see myself being angry over things he constantly did to aggravate me.
If you really think about the amount of energy you use when you’re angry at your child’s father, it’s not healthy. I’m no doctor but I felt like my body was carrying a load of heavy emotions that was hard for me to get rid of. Too much weight to carry on my heart and mind for sure.
In the end our daughter was my main focus and I want to be able to enjoy my life. When things are bad all I do is think how it could be worst. Heck, I could still be in an unhealthy relationship not doing anything with my life. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have the guts to move forward with making my dreams a reality.
Written by: Max-Laine