A couple of posts ago, I wrote about LaShandra Armstrong who took her life and three of her four children by driving her minivan into a river. Many have speculated that the father of those three children caused her to commit murder-suicide.
A couple of years ago when I first broke up with my daughter’s father, I would have been the first one to point my finger directly at her baby daddy. However, my views have changed when it comes to issues between parents who can’t get along.
As a single mom, I believe that you have to learn to accept your child’s father for who he is no matter what. From the moment you get pregnant and give birth to your child, you’re going to be in each other’s life for better or worst whether you like it or not. You don’t have to like him but you’re going to have to learn to deal with him. It took me more than 10 years to learn this lesson. I don’t like him nor care to know what he is up to but my daughter does. I know that we can never be friends because we’ve never been able to come to a compromise. The only way things have worked out is having a third-party involved, hence why I filed for child support. That way if he has issues paying he can call his case worker and not me.
Every mom who’s no longer with their child’s father needs to find their own way of dealing with him. One of the biggest mistakes that I learned (trust me there’s a lot) is that I always tried the same thing over and over. For instance, I had numerous conversations with him about how we were going to work together to raise our daughter. It would work for a couple of weeks (if I was lucky) then we would end up arguing over something I said he did or something he said that I said. My point is that it was becoming exhausting to deal with the same issues all the time.
Once I learned to Love myself again, I no longer worried about what he was doing or what he wasn’t doing. A lot of it was me wanting to control everything because I didn’t trust him with her and that I was angry at him for leaving us. Whenever I hear Mamas with their laundry list of things that their baby daddy’s don’t do, I’m reminded of the time I did the same thing whenever someone asked me how things were going between us. Not only have I learned to respect ME again but I have sh** to do than to worry about him. I tell Mamas to Let It Go and start now! Get a hobby or find a way to get your mind right. You’ll do yourself some good and your child will benefit from it too. Find Peace and live a life full of better moments rather than worst ones.
Written by: Maxx