(115th day, 250 more days to go)
The greatest gift of all for someone who has a busy schedule is to be able to do nothing for the entire day. That’s how I spent my Mother’s Day. My daughter made a card and wrote a poem for me. I can’t believe how much of her artistic side she gets from her father. He would never know that because of his stubbornness. Of course I didn’t get anything from him for Mother’s Day. Around this time of year, I do want him to say or do something for Mother’s Day. Even when we were together he did the bare minimum. Once, he stopped by one of those vendors who only sells gift baskets for specific holidays on the side of the street.
That year he bought me a basket with homemade perfume from this lady who was selling them outside a club he went to the night before Mother’s Day. I can’t describe to you how nasty it smelled and couldn’t imagine that anyone would go around smelling like it. However, I was very thankful for the kind gesture even though it sat in the corner of the room for months before he realized that it did stink. The point is not how or when he bought it, it’s the fact he acknowledged that it was a special day to show his appreciation for being the mother of his child.
So what happened five years later? The fact that I didn’t take him off child support is the main reason. Maybe, if I had taken him off he would have sent a message through our daughter to wish me well. Heck, I would have accepted that or a text message from her phone.
I posted an update status on our Facebook page and most of the comments from other moms were that they didn’t care their child’s father didn’t acknowledge them on Mother’s Day. Well, I can’t speak for them but it hurts me every year. It wasn’t enough that I was in labor for 12 hours suffering a 103 fever and being rushed into surgery to have a Cesarian to deliver our child. It wasn’t enough that every time he got into trouble that I was their to bail him out even though his so-called friends were nowhere to be found. It wasn’t enough that he didn’t attempt to help us when the home we use to share went into foreclosure. For these reasons, I would be telling you a big fat lie if I said that I didn’t care that he didn’t wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.
It doesn’t matter what happened between us. We should be able to show our daughter that we can respect each other for at least two days out the year, one for Mother’s Day and the other on Father’s Day. He can think that I’m a Bitchy Baby Mama and I can think that he’s a No Good Lazy Father but I would be able to put up a front for our daughter just to make her happy. That’s why I said, if you can’t call, text, or send a greeting card for Mother’s Day then you don’t deserve the title “Father” or being called a “Man.”
I’m saying all this and then next month when Father’s Day rolls around, I would be the one to encourage our daughter to call him or make him a card. Despite that he didn’t get me anything for my special day, I should act just as stupid as he did. It’s already difficult to try to respect someone who clearly shows you no respect. Then on top of that our daughter is at that age where she’s figuring things out on her own. She’s seeing him for who he really is.
We were at the coffee shop one day and she saw this guy on Skype with his kids. A couple of days later, she asked him if he could get an account so that they could Skype each other. That was over 3 months ago so she‘s not holding her breath on anything else he says or does. I know how she feels because I tried to find ways to stay in contact with my father. It becomes a ripple effect. One thing leads to three or more other things. It’s not a gradual process rather it becomes a collective process. In her mind if he can’t go out his way to get on Skype then why would he try to visit her or buy her a plane ticket to go see him. Instead, their fathers and his family members thinks that we brainwash our kids when in reality the kid is able to think for themselves.
I don’t have the power or a magic wand to make this all better but sharing my experiences has helped me tremendously. This is my way of Letting It Go….
Written by: Maxx