Happy Father’s Day, Mother?

(138th day, 227 more days to go)  I hate Father’s Day but not for the reason you may think.  The part that I dread the most is receiving text messages to wish me a “Happy Father’s Day” since I’m a single mom.  Uh?  What? I don’t get it.

So many moms love it and thinks it’s cool to receive these accolades.  Is it cool to teach my child that she doesn’t need her father in her life? Is it cool to ignore the fact that there are a lot of children being raised in households run by single moms?

I’m not knocking the fact that we are doing a job meant for two but I am not trying to replace my daughter’s father.  Let’s be realistic.  We can not be a father figure for our children. We’re built to mother our children.  If we were meant to be both parents then we wouldn’t need their fathers to conceive them.

For instance, I’ve heard moms who are raising boys say their problems began with potty training.  I’m sure they thought they could handle things on their own before realizing what it’s like to raise a son.  They had questions:  Is it okay to teach them to sit down or do they have to stand up to use the bathroom?  I don’t know the answer but that’s something they need their fathers for.  This is just an example of why mother’s can’t teach their sons to be a man.  I know there are mothers who are going to raise H-E double hockey sticks about this article but you can’t teach a boy to stand when you’re sitting…on the toilet that is.  Corny analogy but you get my point.  Boys need to actually see someone they can imitate…at least that’s what I was told.  For my co-author, Melanie, thankfully she has her brother there to help with her son.

I believe women can do anything but we can not teach a boy to be a man nor our daughters how a man is suppose to treat her.  I’ve heard from men who were raised in a single mom household.  They appreciated their mothers for trying but in the end they really needed their dads to teach them things.  I know from personal experience that I needed my father in my life or I wouldn’t have tried to seek love and attention by every man that came in and out of my life like my dad did.

I cringe whenever I hear single moms who say they accept gifts on Father’s Day.  Are you freaken “Crazy?”  I think it’s very selfish and sending the wrong message to your kid.  You’re telling them that you are mommy and daddy.  You’re leaving no opportunity for your child to reconnect with their father if it were to happen. Why should any father attempt to reconnect with their child if their child’s mother is celebrating Father’s Day?  It’s nothing but trouble and drama leaving that father to feel intimidated to stop by and see their kid.  The it’s not a big deal celebration convinces those same fathers that we are manipulating their child to believe that they don’t need them.  Do I need to say anymore?

I think moms should let Father’s Day be just for fathers.  Isn’t Mother’s Day enough?  LOL!  Who am I to tell another mother this?  I’m sure if this information was coming from a man himself then my point will be valid.  Until then, redirect those text messages to a REAL father.

Love Yourself!

Written by: Maxx

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About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

6 responses to “Happy Father’s Day, Mother?

  • MaxLaine AKA Maxx AKA (ONE of the )"Crazy" Baby Mamas <----Yep, The Author for this post!!!!

    Today I learned what it takes to be a writer after posting this article. I am emotionally and “virtually” beat from discussing this so from this point on I will post and keep it movin’. I am NOT trying to defend an absent father aka deadbeat daddy nor am I giving those deadbeats a “pass” for using lame excuses. Just read all my past posts and you will see I can write a book on the excuses I heard from my daughter’s father alone so give me a break. My point is to say “hey, let’s leave Father’s Day for Fathers” and IF and I stress IF those deadbeats try to reconnect with their child when they get older it will be harder for that child because they’ve been taught that their mom is mommy AND daddy leaving no room for their child to form their own opinion about their dad. So how this message turns into me belittling single moms OR rooting for deadbeat dads when I’m a single mom myself is beyond me. Fathers as a whole have been devalued in this society and what’s wrong with trying to uplift the few who are active in their child’s life & stepping aside to let them shine for ONE day. I just felt like here I am raising my child on my own & the ONE day that we can uplift the few fathers who ARE stepping up is overshadowed with greeting cards for Single Moms & moms celebrating yet another holiday when we already have our own day in May and Single parent day in March. My example of statements that deadbeats use was because not only are we as single mothers 100% held responsible for the way our children are raised but it seems like we are giving fuel for those stupid statistics on single parent homes & deadbeats to use against us. I’ve heard fathers say, “my baby mama is teaching our child to hate me” or “my child don’t need me” and it’s because of the messages we teach our children that mommy is daddy too. Our kids already “see” that we are strong & taking responsibility to raise them without their fathers so why beat it across their heads by celebrating Father’s Day after we’ve celebrated Mother’s Day a month before.

    Instead, the fact that these deadbeats can move on with their lives without any repercussions is sad. Maybe if we uplift active Fathers more and more maybe it will be more “cool” to STAY in your child’s life & allow single moms be just moms. That way those deadbeat dads can feel the humiliation for not being in their kid’s life. I’m writing from my experience and learning how to Let It Go. I can not nor will I stand and tell single moms to “wait” or try to “get back” with their child’s father especially if they are not the father figure they need in their child’s life or being in an unhealthy relationship with them. I left it open for the right man or male role model to be there for their (and MY) child when their father isn’t around. Just because I say they need their father doesn’t mean I was specifically saying their deadbeat father and I didn’t think I had to write it out but based on the comments here and on Facebook I know better for the future. Also, IF and I stress IF their father changes their deadbeat ways let the child have an “open” opportunity to see their father with their own eyes and opinions not because mommy said he’s a deadbeat. Like I always say, “don’t help someone who does a perfectly good job making themselves look bad.”

    Thank you for your time and for visiting this Blog. We appreciate ALL comments whether you agree or disagree with the articles posted here just as long it’s not a SPAM comment…hahaha

    Whew! I’m officially D-O-N-E with this post so Good Day, Good Afternoon, Good Evening, or Good Night wherever You are and I hope you have a good one. Someone please pass me a cigarette…oh wait, I don’t smoke!! LOL

    PEACE! Maxx

  • PhenomenalMFT

    This post is so unfortunate. The premise that a single mother accepting well wishes on Father’s Day negates the importance of the actual father is factually wrong. It is possible (I would think even more likely) that most single moms that are acknowledged on Father’s Day would also welcome their child having a healthy relationship with their father b/c it is in the child’s best interest. If a man would use as flimsy an excuse as this NOT to see their kids…well, is he really a man? There is no drama nor intimidating situation on this earth that could separate me from my child. This post is perpetuating the idea that it is the mother’s fault that the father chooses not to be a part of their child’s life. It is not. This was disappointing to read from Maxx or any other single mother.

  • Anonymous

    OUTSTANDING!!!!

  • Sunny Witha Chance

    All I can say is “are you serious”, that’s the problem with women. We are always giving “men” credit, where credit isn’t due. I love it when I receive Father’s day text and gifts. Why, because i’m a strong mother who stood up and raised them damn kids. What I am teaching my kids, is to be able to handle any situation your put in. Second, you can’t raise a boy into a man….you also can’t make a coward be a father, When women wish each other happy Father’s day, we’re patting each other on the back. We’re saying I feel and understand your struggle. Where not trying to be a “man”, your story tells me a) you’re hoping for your daughter’s father to return into your life or b) You’re living this “fantasy” life in your head. It’s one thing to have your opinion, it’s another to put other women down.Get it together because this is a movement, we even changed the name to “Happy Single Parent Day”. Them cowards know they have kids out there. They know them kids need fathers, so your article is a freaking joke. I hope you come off that cloud your elevated on and come back down to reality.

    • Tara

      I so agree. I have raised 3 successfull sons alone and they are good men. Not because their fathers were there but because of the sacrifices I made to secure their future. And YES I pat myself on the back every year. And when i attend my sons college graduation, I will pay myself again!!!

  • Michelle

    i though i was the only one feelings this…

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