(147th day, 218 more days to go) From the moment you break up with your child’s father, the arguments gets worst and so does the words you say to each other. It becomes an epic battle between you and your Baby Daddy to assure that he knows how much you despise the ground he walks on.
In the end, it is a lot of time and energy to spend on someone you no longer care about. BUT it feels so good to tell him off. Yeah, he will still think that you want him back. BUT it feels so good to rip him a new one. Yes, he’ll tell his family and friends that you’re “crazy.” BUT it feels so good to release all the anger you have for him…at least for that moment.
Imagine that you’re getting ready to run in a marathon. You will stretch out in the beginning. You are focused on winning the race. Once you get the signal that the race is about to start, you step up to the line and get into your runner’s stance. For a split second, you can feel the cool breeze. It brings you a moment of peace. That’s how it feels right before you get into it with your child’s father. Everything is peaceful. You’re only focus is on your child. THEN it happens. There you are minding your own business when out of nowhere. WHAM! BAM! BOOM! Your child father says or does something that affects your child. From our point of view, it’s something stupid that he did that he knew d@&* well that it would piss you off. The gun goes off and the runners take off running and so does your mouth. In the midst of you running your mouth nothing else matters but getting your point across. Most times, it doesn’t even matter who is in the room with you. It isn’t until you stop running your mouth that you realize what you’ve done. It’s like having sex without a condom for the first time with your partner. At first, it seems like a good idea until you remember the consequences of your actions.
The first three years after breaking up with my daughter’s father, I could remember going through my day thinking of things to say to him just in case we would get into an argument. It was so bad that I use to carry a little notebook in my purse to write them down so that I wouldn’t forget. Knowing that I had a smart mouth gave me the upper hand and it felt like the only reason why I was living was to cuss out my daughter’s father whenever I had a chance. The less he did for our daughter the more fuel and reason I had to give him a piece of my mind. No wonder I have so much material for this Blog.
There was one argument I remember vividly because I couldn’t stand when he suggested that one of my girlfriends and I were secretly having an affair. I don’t have anything against Lesbians or gay people but I think it’s sad when people try to hurt you with a gay slur or suggest that you’re gay when they know you’re not. In this argument, he made the Lesbian reference again. I told him that although my friend and I never had that type of relationship, I did know what it was like being in a gay relationship. I explained to him that in our relationship I was the man in it and he was my Bitch. The moment I said that he hung up on me.
I can laugh at it now but I was more upset that he hung up on me. Hanging up on the other person was our way of winning the argument. The more I talk about the arguments I had with my daughter’s father the more I realized how I was so immature. I was a grown a** woman with a child acting like a kid. Our daughter was more mature than I was.
In retrospect, if I had to do it all over again, I would cuss him out everyday. It was part of my journey to heal and I wasn’t going to pack my feelings in my emotional baggage that we seem to carry internally as women. I didn’t want to take this anger into my next relationship because the next guy doesn’t deserve to feel the wrath of fury I had for my daughter’s father and my father. The only thing I wish is that I had found another outlet for me to release all that built up anger sooner. Writing the book was one way and now I carry notebooks to write ideas I have for this Blog and the other projects I’m working on.
Now that I know better I understand that cussing out my baby daddy should only be done IF necessary. The reason I say this is because not all Baby Daddies are created equal (I’ll explain the differences on a later post). Some Baby Daddies (not all) need to be reminded why they should not f#$k with you. Sometimes our niceness can be taken for weakness and Mamas who are reading this understand what I’m talking about. For those who don’t understand either you don’t have children or you were Blessed to have a Father for your child who knows his place. That place is the space you don’t enter just because Single Moms have too much crap on their plate already. The place where there is no room for drama. In other words, just don’t bother us. If you can get that part then you’ll pass this part of life with flying colors.
Written by: Maxx