Searching for Love or The One will be more challenging since I broke up with my daughter’s father. One of the many reasons I stayed with him longer than I should have is because I didn’t want to go through the dating process all over again. Boy meets girl. Girl likes Boy. Boy likes Girl and That Girl and This Girl. Girl only likes Boy. Boy plays games with Girl and That Girl and This Girl. Girl gets hurt by Boy. And well, you know the rest.
With a click of a mouse you can browse through a list of available bachelors while still in your underwear. I knew a woman who had several accounts with various dating sites and she said to me, “It doesn’t matter if you meet someone in the bar or online, your chances of meeting a Loser is about the same.” I thought to myself, “then why bother pay the fees on a dating website just so you can meet a possible Deadbeat?”
Call me old-fashioned but I prefer to meet someone in person. If anyone is going to set me up, I prefer to take my chances on someone who knows me rather than a system resembling a slot machine. Technology is scary and I’m not comfortable meeting anyone online not even a Plumber from the Yellow Pages. Heck, the rate that I’m going I may find my Soul Mate when I’m sent to live in an old folks home.
I respect couples who have been successful with dating sites and I’ve met plenty. I guess you can say that I still have fears that I’ll meet someone like my daughter’s father. It’s been years since we’ve been together and those 10 years that I spent with him are years that I will never get back. So to go into the dating scene with a positive attitude will be difficult. I don’t want to waste any more time…if that’s possible.
I can admit that I will be that chick at the club or at the gym with an attitude if a guy approaches me. I know because when it happens a flashback of the bad times with him comes over me and when I see a guy walking towards me they’re stopped by the brick wall I have. It’s like my senses can detect a Loser from miles away.
Although, you’re probably thinking that I should prepare myself to live in a home with a bunch of cats, don’t count me out just yet. This time around I’ve taken these past few years to prepare myself. I’m armed with realistic expectations and higher standards. For instance, I don’t want someone who has potential instead they need to be in the process of using their potential. How many times have you heard a girlfriend of yours say, “Girl, he has so much potential?” It’s not cute for a dude to be in his 30’s with potential because that’s only cool in your 20’s…at least in my book. During your 20’s you get a Free pass to make all your mistakes that life has to offer. By your late twenties, you realize how much time you’ve wasted and you begin the process of getting your life in order. Okay, maybe this doesn’t apply to everyone but I’ve seen this happen too many times and you can always learn from other people’s mistakes.
For Single Moms like me, dating is harder because too many people get involved in your situation: Your child’s father, You, and Your child. (Also, if you’re not careful then you can add your nosey single girlfriends and family members to this list.) If your child’s father is dating someone else then you have to count that heifer…I mean, his girlfriend too. You don’t want your new Boo to know that you got drama brewing in the background unless both of you like that sort of stuff.
If you do have drama with your child’s father, it will not be easy to hide that fact because the men I’ve met ask upfront if I have any “Baby Daddy Drama” right after they ask me my name. Often if they haven’t experienced dating someone who had drama then you can bet that their boy has scared…oh, I mean shared their experience with them. For some strange reason, they think ALL single moms have some or a lot of drama.
I don’t have to be best friends with my daughter’s father to make it clear that I will not allow him to disrupt any relationship that I have. I will give him the same respect and if he wants to suddenly give the I-don’t-want-any-man-around-my-daughter attitude then I will kindly set up a meeting for him to meet the Man who will be around his daughter. I will not go beyond that because I make sure not to go the extra mile for him since I know he wouldn’t do that for me. However, I will do what’s best for me and eliminate any unnecessary drama from my life.
Written by: Maxx