Being THAT Girl

(190th day, 175 more days to go) As a woman and having women friends, you always say that you don’t want to be THAT Girl.  THAT Girl who always dates the wrong men.  THAT Girl who is never in a relationship.  THAT Girl who has babies that she can’t afford.  THAT Girl who is always broke.  THAT Girl who gets pregnant by a dude only to become a single mother.  You go through life making sure that you don’t become THAT Girl not realizing that YOU are THAT Girl.

In other words, no matter how hard you try to avoid being THAT Girl you will always find someone who will think of you as THAT Girl.  Instead of fighting it anymore, I’m going to accept being THAT Girl but now I know I have to deal with it in a better way.

I am THAT Girl who fell in love young and is now left raising her child as a single mother.  I have been THAT Girl who always gives more of herself than she receives.  I am THAT Girl who dreams of becoming a successful writer.  I am THAT Girl who’s unemployed.  I am THAT Girl that everyone can relate to if you just take a moment to speak to her.  I know I’m THAT Girl who talks a lot of sh**. Finally, I’m THAT Girl who has a story to tell.

Since I had my daughter, I thought my life was over.  I had to suddenly become responsible and thought that getting a job and a home was all I needed to do.  I forgot about my dreams of becoming a journalist or entertainment reporter so that I could focus on being a Mommy.  So two months after I gave birth to my daughter, I began going to school to attain my college degree.  My plan was to live with my mother, finish school, then save enough money to buy a house.  After 3 years, I was able to graduate and save enough money to put down on a home.  I wanted to live the American Dream like my Haitian mother instilled in me.

Months after I graduated, I returned to Atlanta to purchase a home and find a good job.  I found a home which I purchased while still looking for a job.  The risk I took buying a home without having a job wasn’t anything “crazy” for me because I believe that without risks and sacrifices you’ll never get anything.  I had saved enough money to pay my bills for at least six months.  Two weeks after I mailed checks to pay for my bills with the last bit of money  that was left, an employer called to offer me a job that I had applied for several months before.  Faith was definitely on my side because I could have been THAT Girl living on the streets.

During that time, my daughter’s father and I reunited once again to keep our family together.  You know THAT Girl who you couldn’t tell her anything about love.  He had several dreams that he wanted to pursue and like a fool I followed.  While trying to help him, I dibbled and dabbled in Real Estate and that was an issue for him because he felt that I wasn’t going to be there for our daughter.  In reality, I was an educated girl trying to strive for success while being in a relationship with a dude I thought had a lot of potential.  Potential meaning he didn’t have sh** going for him but I thought I could be his Superwoman and help him get his sh** together.  At that time, his sh** became my sh** on top of my own sh**.  Damn, and that was a lot of sh** to put up with.

Six months into the reunion I realized that things were never going to change between us.  I was better off by myself but I stayed for another two years.  Why didn’t I leave sooner?  Well, for so many reasons, not the right reasons but there were too many barriers that I put on myself that prevented me from leaving.  He was my “First” and we had a child together.  These were enough reasons for me to stay.  I didn’t want to be a quitter and be the cause of my little family breaking up.

Even though he left on his own, I still blamed myself.  I couldn’t understand why I didn’t try harder to keep us together.  Why did I have to be THAT Girl who f##ks up every relationship she has with men. I didn’t know it took two people to work as a couple.  I was so lost in being a Mommy and in the relationship that I didn’t notice that I was the one working for the both of us.  I was the one who took out the trash most of the time, paid the bills, drove our daughter to school and ballet practices.  He didn’t have to do anything because he knew that I would eventually do it.  I allowed him to just Be so to be mad at him now for the little that he does is going to take up too much of my valuable time and energy.  Besides, I was in that relationship for 10 years and will never get them back so he needs to consider that time served whenever he THINKS he could ask me for a damn favor.  He knows that I will always be there for our daughter and do whatever it takes to provide the things she needs and wants.

Like so many single moms in my situation of being THAT Girl who is left to pick up the pieces, I have beat myself up for being in this situation.  It’s not okay when a man who fathers a child can come and go as he pleases.  Later, he will reap all the benefits when his child graduates and becomes successful without thanking his child’s mother for a job well done.  He’ll stick out his chest as if he was the one that’s responsible for raising a good child.

When this happens you can be THAT Girl who tells him off and gets thrown into jail to be featured on the show, Snapped.  The other option is to be THAT Girl who smiles with so much pride for her child’s accomplishments that she barely notices the fool who probably showed up late with yet another lame a** excuse.  She would never acknowledge his presence because THAT Girl, who I am now, knows that the sweetest revenge is Success.

Love Yourself!

Written by: Maxx

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About crazybabymamas

Authors of the book, "Are You A 'Crazy' Baby Mama?" which is a handbook for Single Moms. We are single moms who have RE-defined "Crazy" and celebrate ALL moms. If you're "crazy" about your kids then you're probably a "crazy" baby mama. It's about taking something that's negative and turning it into something positive. No more drama for these "Crazy" Baby Mamas. View all posts by crazybabymamas

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