(242nd day, 123 more days to go)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas:
Hey, CrazyBabyMamas!!! I have an issue with my daughter’s father. We are at home for the holidays so since my daughter and I live in another state, her father hasn’t seen her in years. So he picked her up to take her out for a day of fun riding go-carts. When they returned he told my boyfriend and I that she looked like she was going to get sick. As she was coughing, I noticed that she didn’t have her coat on (which she had on before they left). When I asked where was it, she said it was in her bag and all he did was hand her a Burger King bag then he left. And he even had enough time to post pictures of them on Facebook. Needless to say, she ended up getting sick and couldn’t do anything for a week. I sent him a text to bring her some medicine but all he said was that he lived too far from where we were staying. Keep in mind, we were about 45 minutes away instead of the 18 hours where we actually live. I believe he could have done more than that and my boyfriend doesn’t understand why I am so mad at him.
Well, Mama, I hate to tell you this but “it is what it is.” Since he hasn’t seen his daughter in years and you guys live only 18 hours away then it’s safe to say that you got yourself a S.A.M…Sorry Ass Motherf**ker for a Baby Daddy. I normally don’t use that phrase (which you can find in our book, Are You A “Crazy” Baby Mama? A Handbook For Single Moms) but he has shown you the type of father he is by NOT driving, flying, walking, swimming, or even catching a bus to see his child or send her a ticket for her to come see him (IF she’s old enough to travel alone). So, why waste your energy by being mad at him because I’m sure this wouldn’t be the first time that you would take care of your sick child. I’m sure YOU have been the one to stay home from work to take care of her. I’m sure that YOU were the one to take her to the doctor. I’m sure YOU have done all of this without him. I commend you for still allowing him to take his daughter out despite the fact he hasn’t seen her in years because some moms wouldn’t. Just keep doing you and be “Crazy” for your daughter instead of acting “Crazy” toward her father. In the end, you have to trust that your daughter will see her dad for who he really is.
(234th day, 131 more days)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas:
My daughter’s father was in and out of our daughter’s life for the first 2 years of her life before he completely stopped coming by. Now, she is 4 years old and wants to start seeing her again. I just started dating this guy and I think that my daughter’s father will start some drama between us since he just broke up with his girlfriend. I know my daughter needs her dad in her life but I’ve been there for her since day one. I don’t understand WHY he wants to come back and wish that he would stay far away from us. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
No you are not wrong for feeling the way you feel towards your child’s father. You’ve been there for your daughter since she was born so you’re probably used to him not being there. Then the very moment you seemed to have moved on with your life there he goes popping up at your house demanding to see HIS daughter. Like, Really? It’s like our Baby Daddies can sense that we are happy all of a sudden but when we are not happy they are no where to be found. lol. Well, I wouldn’t worry about him starting any drama between you and your new Boo because if you give him any warnings then you’re actually giving him permission to start some drama. Think about it. If you tell him that you’re in a new relationship and you want him to respect it then he will start thinking that you still care about him. The fact that you give any energy to discuss the potential drama before it actually happens is giving the situation ammunition so let him see for himself that you and your daughter are fine. Don’t give him that much consideration especially since he hasn’t given you and your daughter any. Try to think positive going into the situation BUT the moment he starts some sh** then let him know at that very moment that you’re not effin’ around. Just continue being “Crazy” for your daughter and as always for Yourself.
(223rd day, 142 more days ago)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas: My name is “J” and I am 18 years old with a 2 month old son. Thankfully, I have graduated High School and I’m looking to take classes in the Spring at my local college. But My child’s father is older than me and has other kids with other women. We are not together anymore because he thinks that I was cheating on him but I never did. He says he wants to be with me but never helps me with our son. Every time he comes by my house, he asks if I am seeing someone. I tell him, “no” but he never believes me. My heart is broken and I don’t want my son to be without his father. Am I doing anything wrong?
CBM Response: Guuuurl, your concerns and attentions needs to be with your baby not the Big Baby you had your son with. Your child’s father should be supporting you Physically (by helping you raise your son), Emotionally (by not playing mind games), and Financially (well, you can’t raise a child without some money). Your child is young so that means your body hasn’t healed yet from carrying your bundle of joy. Sounds to me, your son’s father is only concerned who is getting in between your legs and not what came out of it. Sorry for being so harsh but as a Single Mom who has been through this, I just have a low tolerance for unnecessary bull sh** . PLEASE get out of your mind that you are doing anything wrong because as long as you have left the door open for him to see his child then you have fulfilled your obligation to your son and his father. No need to feel guilty and the person who should be feeling guilty is your Baby Daddy. Since he isn’t, neither should you. Heck, there’s no reason why you should care for someone who clearly doesn’t care about YOU. So Be “Crazy” for your son, school, & YOU and once you do than everything else should fall into place only IF it is supposed to so don’t force it.