(242nd day, 123 more days to go)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas:
Hey, CrazyBabyMamas!!! I have an issue with my daughter’s father. We are at home for the holidays so since my daughter and I live in another state, her father hasn’t seen her in years. So he picked her up to take her out for a day of fun riding go-carts. When they returned he told my boyfriend and I that she looked like she was going to get sick. As she was coughing, I noticed that she didn’t have her coat on (which she had on before they left). When I asked where was it, she said it was in her bag and all he did was hand her a Burger King bag then he left. And he even had enough time to post pictures of them on Facebook. Needless to say, she ended up getting sick and couldn’t do anything for a week. I sent him a text to bring her some medicine but all he said was that he lived too far from where we were staying. Keep in mind, we were about 45 minutes away instead of the 18 hours where we actually live. I believe he could have done more than that and my boyfriend doesn’t understand why I am so mad at him.
Well, Mama, I hate to tell you this but “it is what it is.” Since he hasn’t seen his daughter in years and you guys live only 18 hours away then it’s safe to say that you got yourself a S.A.M…Sorry Ass Motherf**ker for a Baby Daddy. I normally don’t use that phrase (which you can find in our book, Are You A “Crazy” Baby Mama? A Handbook For Single Moms) but he has shown you the type of father he is by NOT driving, flying, walking, swimming, or even catching a bus to see his child or send her a ticket for her to come see him (IF she’s old enough to travel alone). So, why waste your energy by being mad at him because I’m sure this wouldn’t be the first time that you would take care of your sick child. I’m sure YOU have been the one to stay home from work to take care of her. I’m sure that YOU were the one to take her to the doctor. I’m sure YOU have done all of this without him. I commend you for still allowing him to take his daughter out despite the fact he hasn’t seen her in years because some moms wouldn’t. Just keep doing you and be “Crazy” for your daughter instead of acting “Crazy” toward her father. In the end, you have to trust that your daughter will see her dad for who he really is.
(239th day, 126 more days to go)
From Twitter: Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas: I HATE My #BabyDaddy.
On Twitter CBM Response: We do not condone Hating your child’s father/Baby Daddy BUT we understand.
(234th day, 131 more days)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas:
My daughter’s father was in and out of our daughter’s life for the first 2 years of her life before he completely stopped coming by. Now, she is 4 years old and wants to start seeing her again. I just started dating this guy and I think that my daughter’s father will start some drama between us since he just broke up with his girlfriend. I know my daughter needs her dad in her life but I’ve been there for her since day one. I don’t understand WHY he wants to come back and wish that he would stay far away from us. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
No you are not wrong for feeling the way you feel towards your child’s father. You’ve been there for your daughter since she was born so you’re probably used to him not being there. Then the very moment you seemed to have moved on with your life there he goes popping up at your house demanding to see HIS daughter. Like, Really? It’s like our Baby Daddies can sense that we are happy all of a sudden but when we are not happy they are no where to be found. lol. Well, I wouldn’t worry about him starting any drama between you and your new Boo because if you give him any warnings then you’re actually giving him permission to start some drama. Think about it. If you tell him that you’re in a new relationship and you want him to respect it then he will start thinking that you still care about him. The fact that you give any energy to discuss the potential drama before it actually happens is giving the situation ammunition so let him see for himself that you and your daughter are fine. Don’t give him that much consideration especially since he hasn’t given you and your daughter any. Try to think positive going into the situation BUT the moment he starts some sh** then let him know at that very moment that you’re not effin’ around. Just continue being “Crazy” for your daughter and as always for Yourself.
(228th day, 137 more days to go)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas:
A friend of my Baby Daddy told me that he recently moved upstate to be with this random girl with 4 kids by 4 Baby Daddies. I’m sitting here shocked that my daughter’s father is taking care of this woman and her four kids. He has not seen or called to check up on our daughter at all. It hurts me that he can pick up the pieces for some random chick he recently met online. I know I’m going to snap on him if I ever see his ass again.
CBM Response: Umm, I really need you to step away from this page and breathe woman. Unless you are Patti from that Bravo show, Millionaire Matchmaker then you have no business knowing who your Baby Daddy is dating. Okay, at least not be too focused on it since you may be concerned who he brings around your child. You shouldn’t worry what’s happening under this woman’s roof. Stick to what’s going on under your own roof, Boo Boo especially since you have no control on what goes on there. Sounds to me that if you don’t see him soon you’ll have a lot of emotions bottled up which is NOT healthy for you. LET IT GO. Besides, more than likely he is looking for an easy way out of having the attention on him. (See Chapter 4, It Is What It Is, of our book, “Are You A ‘Crazy’ Baby Mama?” THE BOOK) With all those kids, I’m sure she already knows what type of man she has in her hands and YOU do too so why are you trippin’? The only person left to see him in his TRUE form is your daughter and she will have to do it on her own. So in case he doesn’t get his act together by the time she is a teenager then you need to be ready to wipe her tears away.
(223rd day, 142 more days ago)
Dear “Crazy” Baby Mamas: My name is “J” and I am 18 years old with a 2 month old son. Thankfully, I have graduated High School and I’m looking to take classes in the Spring at my local college. But My child’s father is older than me and has other kids with other women. We are not together anymore because he thinks that I was cheating on him but I never did. He says he wants to be with me but never helps me with our son. Every time he comes by my house, he asks if I am seeing someone. I tell him, “no” but he never believes me. My heart is broken and I don’t want my son to be without his father. Am I doing anything wrong?
CBM Response: Guuuurl, your concerns and attentions needs to be with your baby not the Big Baby you had your son with. Your child’s father should be supporting you Physically (by helping you raise your son), Emotionally (by not playing mind games), and Financially (well, you can’t raise a child without some money). Your child is young so that means your body hasn’t healed yet from carrying your bundle of joy. Sounds to me, your son’s father is only concerned who is getting in between your legs and not what came out of it. Sorry for being so harsh but as a Single Mom who has been through this, I just have a low tolerance for unnecessary bull sh** . PLEASE get out of your mind that you are doing anything wrong because as long as you have left the door open for him to see his child then you have fulfilled your obligation to your son and his father. No need to feel guilty and the person who should be feeling guilty is your Baby Daddy. Since he isn’t, neither should you. Heck, there’s no reason why you should care for someone who clearly doesn’t care about YOU. So Be “Crazy” for your son, school, & YOU and once you do than everything else should fall into place only IF it is supposed to so don’t force it.
(158th day, 207 more days to go) Here’s a Question posted on our Facebook page:
Mama J.G.: Ladies. How do u get over the hate towards your baby daddy. Just seeing or talking to him makes me mad and act like a complete bitch to him.. I just hate him for everything he’s done and hasn’t done..I don’t know how to let it go.. just thinking of him makes my blood boil
“Crazy” Baby Mamas’ Response: Hey there! Welcome to our page! Boy do we understand how you feel so much that we wrote a book, “Are You A ‘Crazy’ Baby Mama?” THE BOOKabout our relationship with our children’s fathers. Sounds like your child maybe 5 years old or younger cause we’ve found that the wounds and anger are very fresh when our child is younger. The older they get the more we are able to Let Go & that’s what we are all about. How you’re feeling is normal and you’re not alone. It takes time to Let It Go & for some it’s not going to be over night. It takes time & I know first hand b/c I was all about getting Revenge on my daughter’s father in the beginning until I realized during an argument that it wasn’t healthy for me. I was wasting too much energy on someone who didn’t give a F**k about me anymore but enjoyed that he could get me angry just by showing his face or whenever I saw his number pop up on my phone. Since we couldn’t get along at all, I knew I had to find a way to deal with him without it affecting his relationship with our daughter. One way was to communicate with him as little as possible and one major issue we had been child support. I filed for child support so that if there was any problem I figured he could call his case worker since she’s being paid to listen to his excuses. That left one less argument a week. Then I started taking time for me to Learn to Love myself again. Another fact was that all the anger and me being a bitch towards him was because I didn’t have sh** to do. I didn’t have anything occupying my time so there was a lot of time for me to cuss him out every chance I had. Once I decided to co-author our book and pursue my dreams of becoming a writer, Guess what happened? You guessed it, I wasn’t worried about what he was or wasn’t doing anymore. My energy’s geared towards my passion and when I’m not doing that I took up a hobby in photography. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing when I’m taking pictures but I enjoy just taking them.LOL It leaves me NO time to focus on him and more on ME and our daughter. Part of your anger too is to protect your child from getting hurt by him the way he did you. Don’t worry. Your child will know who is really there for him/her just worry about Y-O-U and everything else will have to fall into place!
Mama J.G.: That made so much sense. Cause all I do is work.. come home.. and be a mother. I do have a lot of free time on my hands besides work since I can’t really go party 24/7 like he does.. and I’m also trying to protect her from him like you said. I guess it’s just hard to realize how a man could not want to even try to be a family.. smh.. I’m definitely going to check out that book. And you were right my daughter is 3 yrs old.
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(129th day, 246 more days to go) Here’s a question we received on our Facebook Page:
Question: Someone tell me how a man can go from “I’m so happy we’re about to have a baby and start a family” to “uhhhh I think we’re too opposite for each other and ur young and I’m old and all this other nonsense” like WTF?!? we weren’t that opposite when we were doing the hokey pokey..
“Crazy” Baby Mamas’ Response: Well, there’s just some things we will never understand. I can’t answer for that “man” (please LIKE our brother’s FB page “Crazy” Baby Daddies to get a male/dad’s point of view) but sometimes we get into relationships knowing that “man” is not the one for us. We get caught up on the “pokey” and don’t LISTEN to him. For instance, a guy told me on our first date that, “I want to have fun before I get married.” If he had told me this years ago, I would have heard him say, “I want to have fun with YOU before WE get married.” I quickly learned that I was the “fun” he was referring to and he wasn’t feeling me like “that” to get into a relationship. I wish I had use this technique with my daughter’s father because the signs were there but I ignored them. Most of us know from the jump that He is not as “happy” as he says he is. Instead we drag that “man” along hoping and praying that he will truly find happiness in the relationship we have with him. When we look back and replay those conversations in the beginning with our child’s fathers, we hear the excuses and fears but didn’t pay attention to them because maybe we were too young to understand or lack of experience. Now, we know better and instead of being Bitter we want to do Better (quote from our book “Are You A ‘Crazy’ Baby Mama?” THE BOOK) Learn to BE “Crazy” for and about Yourself and don’t worry about why he did this or why he didn’t do that. Thank you for joining our page! (Maxx)
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